I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
