I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
