so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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