Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
