There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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