i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
