Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
