Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
