He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
