Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
