I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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