he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
