I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
