I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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