HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
