In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
