Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
