Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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