i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
