Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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