summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dignity is for republicans.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
