Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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