Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
