I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
