my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
