my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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