So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
