I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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