I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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