Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
