Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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