planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
