I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Randomize
