I hate your face
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
