Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
