Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
