all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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