i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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