I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
