He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
