He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Im part way to drunk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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