this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
