it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
