just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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