She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
