The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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