are you still at the devil's house?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
