I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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