Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Randomize
