You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
