Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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