best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My bed smells like the plague
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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