I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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