If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
