I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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