I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
