well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
