He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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