need another drink. this is the easiest way
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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