3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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