The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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