Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
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Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
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I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old