Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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