doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
