I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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