I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.