i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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