McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
