she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
