I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
