Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
