you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All the doctor said was why
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
