im six kinds of drunk right now
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
