Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
