whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
