Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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