all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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