I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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