My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
