im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
